Based on our area of expertise, we feel well within our authority to say: 2020 was an assh*le.
Universally sh*tty in the absolute worst of ways, 2020 was shockingly bad. But(t)! We are now entering a new year. At TUSHY we’re gazing forward into 2021 with cautious hope and optimism, ready to dismiss the worst aspects of Miss 2020.
Here’s a look at what we’re dump-ing as soon as we sing Auld Lang Syne.
Pretending We’re Ok
Listen, this year was rough. It’s ok if you’re not ok. Even Michelle Obama admitted to feeling depressed this year. It makes sense: we’re legitimately facing a global mental health crisis, and it won’t be resolved by a vaccine.
Of course, not every conversation is a safe space to discuss our writhing psychological issues. But it’s ok to let people know we’re going through something. And it’s ok to prioritize safe spaces over ones where we feel the need to pretend. If we have to keep wearing masks (we do), we’re over wearing social ones.
The Idea of “Beach Bodies”
The idea of a beach body being something you have to work for? This officially died with quarantine. We decline to engage with any “get your pre-pandemic bod back” program. If my body is at a beach, b*tch, it’s a beach body.
Let’s pause to remember: fad diets don’t work to keep off weight. But as a $72 billion industry, fad diets do be working for someone else’s wallet. Treating our body like a commodity isn’t kind. It got us through a dark frickin’ year, and the least we can do is let it soak up the sun in peace. Gaining weight in quarantine is and was fine. Losing it (or not) is 100% about what feels good to you.
The Feeling We Should Be Doing More
In 2019, we were about ~*thriving, not surviving*~. Now? Um, we stan surviving!
Maintaining our well-being during a pandemic is a one-item to-do list that could take all year! And for better or worse, we’re going to spend most of 2021 in a pandemic. Yes, at some point, many of us will get a vaccine. But it won’t be a *snap back to normal* situation.
The extreme uncertainty and challenge of living through a pandemic will continue, and the impacts of this year will not simply disappear. Keeping your head up is dope AF. Anything more than that is icing on the cake with a cherry on top. Icing is great, but we’re here for the cake, which in this analogy is literally just living through 2021.
Toilet paper is over. After all we’re doing to keep our hands clean (2020 was huge for Purell!), consider this: if you got dog poo on your arm and you wiped it off with toilet paper, would you just go about your day? If you routinely got skidmarks on anything but your undies, wouldn’t you reconsider your hygiene? We don’t have to live our lives with sh*t on all of our sh*t. There’s a better way. It’s a bidet.
If you want a little sustainable TP for your pee, fine. But you deserve a squeaky clean a-h*le, and the confidence that you can keep your butt clean even if we have to spend another year in basically a bunker. The price of a bidet is a small amount to pay for butt confidence, and we’re all about investing in our confidence… and our butts!
Waiting For Things To Be Different
We don’t want to upset anyone but… how do we say this? Things are going to be similar to this for a while. Sorry to say, but we’re months away from a vaccine for the general public here in the U.S.
If you there’s something that you think would have been a good idea to do during quarantine… girl, start now. Whether it’s learning cello or adopting a dog, we still have months of this ish to go. We can always start where we are, and where we are is mid-way through a pandemic.
Zoom Happy Hour
Hanging out on Zoom isn’t a good time, even with drinks. If endless tequila doesn’t make an activity *super fun*, it should be avoided at all costs. Listen, if you and your friends love Zoom Happy Hour, enjoy! We’re not gonna stop you. But going forward, we’re RSVP-ing no to all unstructured Zoom hangs. They scream 2020, and we’re leaving all things screaming and 2020 behind.
Ringing In 2021
All told, we’re cautiously optimistic about 2021. To start, it rhymes with twenty twenty fun, which is promising.
This is a good time to remember that we’re equipped to rein in our worst habits and eschew the most disappointing features of a truly awful year. From mental fatigue to hoarding toilet paper, this year has dealt out struggles that we’re now choosing to leave behind. And if your New Years resolution is turning TP into an old acquaintance, ring in 2021 with a TUSHY bidet attachment.