*Tap* *Tap* Is this thing on? I’m a pregnant lady. There, I’ve said it.

Any other pregnant ladies in here? New moms? First-time moms? (Dog moms?) 

You know how you think something is going to be one way and then it winds up being a completely different way? Being pregnant has been a lot like that. Like, I have an 8-month-numb leg from a pinched nerve baby’s just been chilling on since the beginning. And I can’t reach any of my holes. Like, any of them. 

Ok, I can reach my mouth, as I learned from the additional 60 lbs of baby/bodega egg-and-cheese sandwich I’m currently rocking as a dope accessory. #hangry

A couple of months before my pregnancy began, we realized here at TUSHY that bidets are perfect for pregnant ladies. Only thing is, we didn’t have any pregnant ladies on the team. So I did it! For the bidets! 

Then I started unraveling the myriad of truths about being a pregnant lady, a new mom, and what that *really* means.  Need convincing? Here are 10 reasons why that cool, blessed stream of TUSHY bidet water is #lyfe for us preggies.

1. Peeing takes on new life and I can’t reach anymore. As in, I’m 100% committed to my potty schedule. Because there’s not enough room for a giant and a bladder and I already had to pee every half hour when I didn’t have a baby in me. 

2. Nothing freaking fits and I am sweaty AF. Do you have any idea how many pairs of underwear you go through pregnant? And I’ve been wearing the same 6 pairs of black leggings every day for 7 months and even THEY don’t fit anymore? So I’m wedged into stuff and compromised and uncomfortable and chafing and sweating. So much sweating. 

3. This goes for boobs. ESPECIALLY boobs. How can boobs grow this much? Shout out to ladies who were already well-endowed. You are heroes among heroes. How do you manage these things without the underwire cutting you in no-zones? And why do my boobs constantly smell like cheese? Do they actually smell like cheese, or is it in my head? 

4. SOMEBODY IS GOING TO CHEW ON THESE FOR THE NEXT YEAR? I guess the entire cheese thing makes sense now…personally, cheese is my favorite food group. Thank god for bottles that are shaped like boobs. Comotomo is going to SAVE ME when my hungry infant giant is born. 

5. Accidents happen - and, like I mentioned, I can’t reach. And by that I mean I regularly pee myself. Sneeze? Pee myself. Cough? Pee myself. Laugh? Pee myself. When that turns into uncontrollable sobbing?  Yup - pee myself. So many fluids. Fun!

6. ‘Roid rage is real and cool water feels magical. I don’t mean steroids (although I may as well because the hormones be cray when you’re pregnant) - I mean hemorrhoids. The elusive doodie requires some finessing (read high-octane straining), so burst butt blood vessels are just another fun part of the magical pregnancy experience! (Need help getting rid of them?)

7. Pooping is elusive, and when she shows up, she plays to win. That sly lil devil takes her damn time. The whole body is relaxing (literally producing a relaxation hormone called relaxin) for like 10 months straight?! so you can chill the ***k out enough to push a screaming human out. Collateral damage: The Birth of the Messy MegaDump. Every time she makes an appearance, I start sweating profusely, getting shifty-eyed, and wondering if this is what labor is going to be like? And then it dawns on me that it’s going to be so, so, so much worse. 

8. La Vagine smells like stranger danger. Huh? What does this even mean?? All of a sudden, my body smells like someone else’s and my sense of smell is bionic. The kicker...I always smell trash. I can’t un-smell it. And I’m afraid that it’s coming from me. I never felt this way before. Hubby confirms that I smell like trash, but that the trash is a lovable pregnancy development.      

F**k.

9. My perineum is probably going to rip. Ok, my perineum is *definitely* going to rip. But that’s ok, right, because everyone is doing it! (?) Give me TUSHY Travel or give me death. BC I hear the hospital is going to send me home with a ketchup bottle to soothe that business...

10. Soon an adorable screaming gremlin will poop 5x/day to rival my hubz and I will literally be cleaning up his sh*t for years to come. Baby’s, I mean, and with my TUSHY Travel in my diaper bag. Since I already installed the TUSHY at home for my hubby’s throne.)

Luckily, I already know about the benefits of bidets for the aforementioned reasons, and Comotomo is all about innovative, sustainable, relief-providing baby products, too. They set me up with their new Baby Bottle Bundle with different nipples for baby from birth through the first year. So you better believe I’m going to have those in my diaper bag with my TUSHY Travel to get me through the next 9 months and beyond.

We’ve got an amazing giveaway with our friends at Comotomo - click here, comment and tag a friend, and follow @comotomobaby and @hellotushy to win a Baby Bottle Bundle, TUSHY Travel, and 100% Bamboo Bum Towels! 

And hang in there! The best is yet to come...so they tell me :-)