As Valentine’s Day approaches, couples around the world are having the big talk. No, not about in–laws, the #2 big talk. 

In a recent poll of over 500 real pooping humans, 40% of respondents said they wished they could be more open about their bathroom habits with their partner. If that’s the case, then why is poo still so taboo? 

Muddy-Moon Phase 

In the same poll, 42% of respondents reported waiting up to 6 months before pooping in their partner’s bathroom, with another 25% claiming they wait even longer. Everybody poops, there’s even literature on the subject.

We expect intimacy and openness with our romantic partners. Holding shit in is toxic, not only for your relationship, but for your body. When we dig into the why of the poop-shy, it makes even less sense.

Butterflies in Your Stomach?

“When we place shame or anxiety around something as normal and necessary as pooping, those stress signals from the brain can disrupt our microbiome and in turn, cause disruptions in our interpersonal relationships,” Dr. Mark Hyman, 9–time New York Times bestselling author, physician, and leader in the Functional Medicine field., said. “Our gut reaction to shy away from conversations about our bowels and bodily functions is actually way off — tune into your gut, be open about how your body works, and watch your gut (and relationships) strengthen."

A buildup of pressure anywhere is bad. Be it your relationship, or your bowels. As Dr Hyman points out, it can actually have a serious impact on one’s mental health and relationships by allowing stress to accumulate in the body. This societal shame affects everyone, but can be even worse for women.

Girls Poop Too

“In this patriarchal world, women are held under the false pretense that they always need to think pretty, look pretty, act pretty,” Regena Thomashauer, CEO of The School of Womanly Arts said. “That we are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, and that we have to subdue our true nature in service of men, yuck!” 

The tired joke that “girls don’t poop” only perpetuates this harmful mindset. Expecting women to perform this unattainable standard of sanitized femininity serves no one in the end. If a woman doesn’t feel comfortable enough to express her own bodily needs, there’s already a wall up. Entering a relationship with another person demands seeing them warts, (or in this case poops) and all.

So how do we break this cycle of shame, and end the bathroom embargo so couples can poop in peace?

Potty Talk 

At TUSHY, we always have your backsides. That’s why we’ve put together some helpful tips on how to start a conversation

1. Put Down the Gavel

The first step in feeling less judgment is living without judging. When we point the finger, we are actively reinforcing bogus societal norms. Only after taking a step back to give others grace can we accept it. (Pretty deep stuff from a bidet company, huh?)

2. RSV-Pee Yes

If you’re sensing some hesitation from a partner who may be an anxious pooper, you can be proactive and open the (bathroom) door for them. Simply reminding the other person that they are welcome to go in your home will make it easier for them to talk about why they may feel some anxiety around the subject. 

3. Textual Relations 

We live in a digital age where technology does wonders to bring people together. Who amongst us hasn’t sent dozens, if not hundreds, of texts while on the can? If the conversation seems too awkward to have face to face, sending a quick text can be the fastest way to get the ball rolling.

4. Just Doo It!

There is no better way to address something than ripping the bandaid off. If you have to poop at a partner’s home, poop. It will create a precedent that pooping is a-okay, and serve as a natural segue into a conversation. 

“I’m so glad you’re cool with me using your bathroom,” shows a level of openness, and allows for a deeper conversation about why a person might feel uncomfortable using their significant other’s bathroom.

Open the Lid

Another key take-away from our poll was that 57.8% of responders reported being more interested in someone if they found out they used a bidet. A TUSHY bidet says “this is a pro-pooping home.” It also says “I’m a pro pooper.” Two turds one stone style.

By installing a TUSHY Spa or Classic, you’re signaling to anyone who makes a guest appearance in your bathroom that you’re down with the brown. Plus, nothing serves as a better conversation starter about bathroom habits than “is that a bidet?”