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Why Do We Have Butt Hair?

05 May, 2022

Man with a hairy butt

Socrates devoted his life to exploring the limits of human knowledge.
We just want to know why we gotta be on all fours once a month waxing our cracks. Why do we have butt hair? As always, nature had a plan.

Table of Contents

  1. Butt hair prevents chafing
  2. Butt hair spreads your anal scent
  3. Butt hair isn't hindering any natural processes
  4. Should you remove your butt hair?
  5. Tips & tricks for butt hair removal at home

Reason #1: Butt hair prevents chafing

Butt hair can help reduce friction, chafe, skin irritation and infection by distributing ass oil like it’s WD-40.

Think about it – your crack is basically the equator at all times. Without hair in your crevices, those dewy drops would go with gravity instead of catching in the cracks and lubing up your cheeks.

How to prevent butt chafing

Pain aside, chafing can make the body susceptible to infection. Any break in the skin is a doorway for staph or STDS. Especially when that doorway is by, um, your backdoor.

  • Make sure your b-hole is poo-free. (*Cough* try a bidet.) A dirty bum is a nasty skin irritant, especially when it’s mixed with constant friction. 
  • Wear moisture-wicking underwear made of materials like bamboo to pull sweat and germs away from your skin. 
  • Apply a body glide to keep your cheeks swishing.
  • Ventilate. If you’re out hiking, untuck your shirt and get a breathable backpack so the sweat doesn’t collect in your swampy bits.
  • Already got the chafe? Apply Zinc Oxide (aka diaper rash paste) at bedtime to soothe and protect raw areas. You’ll wanna undy up to protect your sheets.

Reason #2: Butt hair exists to spread your anal scent

Another reason for butthole bangs – spreading our signature stank. We all know the way to an animal’s heart is through the butt. Anal scent glands are an important means of communication, attraction and protection.

So! It could be argued that our nether hairs were the primitive equivalent of spraying a pashmina with Chanel. Hair traps our oily secretions that carry scent while also breeding more bacteria that kick out even MORE smells. 

There’s a reason the most odiferous parts of our body are conveniently surrounded by scent-trappers.

Other causes of butt odor

Put this on a greeting card: Your butt is a loaded tortilla that’s been left out in the sun.

Sweat, oils, farts, hemorrhoids, STIs, anal yeast infections and poo particles produce a pungent perfume that would have brought all the cave-people to the yard.

Learn more about smelly bum causes and how to get rid of butt odor for good.

Reason #3: Butt hair isn't bothering anyone

From an evolutionary standpoint, butt hair isn’t doing any harm. It isn’t preventing your next glorious BM, refusing that cool Swedish sex toy you bought, or getting in the way of baby-making. It’s just, there.

While your body hasn’t made a huge effort to remove it, butt hair is bound to go the way of the dodo like other non-essential organs: ear muscles, male nipples, gooseflesh, wisdom teeth. Peace out, it’s been real.

So is it okay to remove your butt hair?

Unless you are attracting a primitive mate, peach fuzz is entirely optional. There isn’t a compelling biological or medical need to keep your crack lush. OBGYNs haven’t linked bare bottoms with an increased risk of infections – aside from the off chance of broken skin. In fact, less hair can mean less chance for pubic lice to throw a frat party.

Tips for waxing or shaving your butt hair

Most people like taking a little off the top bottom for aesthetic and sexy time reasons. But given the average Brazilian teeters between $50 and $100, you might find yourself wondering: Can I wax my own crack?

Yes child, you can de-hair your derriere at home if you do your research.

How to wax your butt hair

Waxing keeps your ham hocks hairless for 2-4 weeks, but it’s tricky to perfect solo. Most at-home waxing kits involve the following steps –  start stretching! 

  1. Soak in warm water for at least five minutes to open your pores. 
  2. Make sure that the hair is at least 1/4-inch long. If it’s longer, trim it carefully with sharp scissors or a bikini trimmer.
  3. Apply natural wax and the provided waxing cloth or muslin strip.
  4. Wait a few seconds for the wax to harden.
  5. Hold the skin taut with one hand and swiftly pull off the wax strip while shouting Lady Gaga!

How to shave your butt hair

Shaving is a much easier DIY, especially now that bikini shavers exist. Here’s how to shave butt hair to minimize irritation.

  1. Cleanse the area using mild soap and water.
  2. Lather with all-natural shaving cream or gel.
  3. Captain Morgan your leg on one side of the tub - make sure it’s dry so you don’t slip. 
  4. Use one hand to pull your cheeks apart and hold the skin taut.
  5. Shave the area very slowly and carefully using small strokes.
  6. Rinse well and pat dry.

FAQS

Can you use hair removal creams on your butt hair?

Not recommended for your nethers. Hair removal creams like Nair can burn your more tender bits of cause a severe allergic reaction.

Is it normal for women to have butt hair?

Yes! Butt hair, like pits and bits and wiley nipple hair, appears on both women and men. It's healthy and normal.

Can you use IPL devices on your butt hair? 

You can, but it'll sting your skin and wallet. Intense Pulsed Light devices (aka laser hair removal) can reduce hair growth up to 95% by vaporizing the follicle. You'll need a few sessions and will experience a sharp rubber-banding sensation on your hind quarters.