But until bidet showrooms become a thing, joining the clean butt club can feel a bit like a guessing game. Use our Bidet Buying Guide to help narrow your search as you saddle up for booty bliss.
12 Factors To Consider When Buying a Bidet
- Bidet Types
- Electric vs. Non-Electric
- Adjustable Features
- Ease of Use
- Ease of Installation
- Cleaning and Maintenance
- Extra Features
Traditional bidets are stand-alone butt washers that are usually installed beside your toilet. These are the OG bidets you can expect to see when you travel to the Amalfi Coast. Traditional bidets can be wall-mounted (to save space and streamline cleaning) or floor-mounted (to simplify plumbing).
Your perfect butt buddy if: You like the aesthetic of having a separate bidet and prefer to do your washing where you don’t do your pooping. Compartmentalization is real!
Any brown flags? More expensive, space-intensive, and complicated to install. Traditional bidets require their own plumbing. You also have to hop your doody-booty over to it.
Got indoor plumbing? Then you’ve got the perfect foundation for a bidet attachment! These ultra-affordable butt showers connect to most toilets in minutes, utilizing your bathroom’s existing fresh water lines. Slip the attachment under your toilet seat, reattach a few flexible hose lines, and your clean booty game is in business.
Your perfect butt buddy if: You want a cost-effective, all-in-one poop/spray solution. Bidet attachments are also great for renters as they install/uninstall in minutes without damaging your toilet.
Any brown flags? Light on features. Bidet attachments also rely on your home’s water pressure, so nozzle strength can vary from a light mist to a fire hose. Increase the pressure very gradually until you’re familiar with your bidet!
Same idea as a bidet attachment, but waaaay more luxe. Bidet seats replace your entire toilet seat and include features like a remote controlled heated seat, front and bum wash, warm water, and a bum dryer. With all the extra bells and whistles, bidet seats typically require electricity to serve as your personal butt-ler.
Your perfect butt buddy if: You spend a lot of time on the toilet and want a red carpet pooping experience.
Any brown flags? Can be double the price of a bidet attachment and require electricity to function. Water pressure may not be as strong as a non-electric bidet attachment, as electric bidet seats rely on an internal pump vs your home’s water pressure.
Bidet Hose and Handheld Bidet Sprayers
Are you a no-frills pooper? This handheld spray wand attaches to your toilet for basic but hyper-direct spraying. Think of it as a fresh water shower head just for Bs and Vs.
Your perfect butt buddy if: You want the most affordable bidet option with a bit more flexibility and reach.
Any brown flags? Undeniable “hosing off” vibes and the water spray can get a little wet and wild until you perfect your angle.
Most poopers supplement their at-home bidet with a portable bidet to wash their bums in hotels, while camping, and at work. But you can also use a handheld travel bidet in your home exclusively. Simply fill the bidet bottle with water and squeeze to spray your booty over the toilet.
Your perfect butt buddy if: You want a cheap, covert, compact bidet you can take anywhere.
Any brown flags? Finite water supply. Requires some range of motion/strength to use. May be difficult for people with mobility issues.
While all bidets pay for themselves eventually by cutting your toilet paper use, some can set you back a paycheck or two. There’s a huge price range depending on brand, type, and features. Here are the average bidet costs you can expect, from lowest to highest:
Electric vs. Non-Electric
The biggest differences between electric and non-electric bidets are the added features, water pressure, price, and ease of installation.
Advantages of Electric Bidets
- Heated seat for decadent middle of the night poops.
- Temperature-controlled water that’s warm and ready on-demand. (Non-electric bidets can take a few secs.)
- Extra wash nozzles for front and bum cleaning/massaging.
- Bum dryer to eliminate any need for toilet paper pats or drip-drying.
- Precision remote controls vs more basic knobs, which are especially helpful for the elderly or poopers with limited strength or mobility.
Cons of Electric Bidets
- More difficult installation, requiring proximity to a grounded outlet.
- Cannot be used during power outages unless you’re rocking a doomsday generator.
- Water stream is often not as strong. Electric bidets rely on an internal pump whereas non-electric bidets use your home’s water pressure.
- Can be more than double the price of a non-electric bidet.
Advantages of Non-Electric Bidets
- Fit most toilets using basic tools you have around the house.
- Install in minutes requiring no electrical or extra plumbing.
- Ultra affordable, paying for themselves in well under a year.
- Spray your butt in the dark. No power? No problem. Non-electric bidets can be used to self-soothe in an outage.
Cons of Non-Electric Bidets
- Cold water can be shocking. Most non-electric bidets use cooler water. It’s amazing in summer but a bit Nordic in winter.
- More basic controls like knobs and switches that require twisting, which can be difficult for people with mobility issues.
- No built-in drying method, so you need to rely on towels or a few squares of bamboo TP.
If customization is important to you, you’ll likely want to explore a bidet attachment or bidet seat, which adjusts to clean and soothe the booty spectrum.
Basic Bidet Attachment Adjustments Include:
- A water pressure knob to dial the strength up and down.
- Spray nozzle angle control to aim the water straight at your bullseye.
- Optional warm water temperature, if you opt for a TUSHY Spa.
Advanced Bidet Seat Adjustments Include:
- More precise, on-demand, remote control of all of the above
with programmable poop settings.
The only bidet that requires a more decadent bathroom footprint is the traditional bidet, which takes up floor/wall space near your existing toilet.
Bidet attachments, bidet seats, and bidet hoses can be installed in the tiniest of bathrooms, as they only add a nozzle or control panel to your existing toilet dimensions.
A snug, secure-fitting bidet attachment or bidet seat can make all the difference in your pooping comfort. Did you know there are different toilet types AND bowl sizes? From standard to skirted, flush-o-meter to French curve, round to oval, it’s important to know the style and size of your toilet before you buy. An improperly fitted bidet can rock, leak, or crack.
Additional features that can enhance comfort include water pressure, cool and warm water, and easy-to-reach controls. Bidets also help eliminate stretching to reach toilet paper while also soothing sore bottoms. This maximizes comfort postpartum, post-surgery, and when dealing with conditions such as hemorrhoids.
Ease of Use
Generally the trickiest part of using any bidet is learning your angles and experimenting with different positions to get the money shot. Beyond that, ease of use depends on the user!
- Bidet attachments have the best balance of ease and effectiveness, with breezy installation, fewer fussy controls, and excellent aim for poopers of all accessibility levels.
- Bidet seats offer the most user control, which means they require more learning curve to program your favorite settings.
- Traditional bidets are dead-easy to operate, but you do have to hobble your poop butt over to use them AND THEN crouch.
- Bidet hoses work as easily as your kitchen sink spray gun, but you’ll need to experiment with your spraying angle. Handheld bidets require a little practice to hone your muscle memory.
- Portable bidets are a technophobe dream (no tech needed!), but they do require some arm strength and dexterity to squeeze.
Ease of Installation
Bidet attachments, bidet seats, and bidet hoses are easier to install than a car seat. If you can turn your water valve off, remove a toilet seat, and unscrew/reattach some hose lines, you can install your own bidet!
Just go slowly and be careful not to cross-thread any of the fittings, which can cause leaks.
If you have your brown eye set on a traditional bidet, you likely need a professional to manage the install given these units require their own plumbing.
Most bidet companies will have clear step-by-step instructions, video tutorials, and a butt-load of customer reviews to help you suss out if you’re up to the challenge!
Cleaning and Maintenance
But how does one clean the butt cleaner? Most modern bidets require super low-maintenance, including simple surface wipes with a damp cloth. If you invest in a bidet style with obsessive ease of use, you can enjoy thoughtful features such as a self-cleaning spray nozzle (that emerges/cocoons before and after every poop) as well as minimal crevices to collect crud.
The biggest bidet maintenance task depends on your water quality. If you have a lot of mineral deposits from hard water, you may need to unclog your nozzle tip from time to time.
You’re going to use your bidet every day, multiple times a day. And if you have kids (or a partner), those controls and surfaces are gonna get twisted, knocked, and slammed. Our best advice here is to research customer reviews AND get an understanding of the brand’s support portal.
Does the brand have a risk-free guarantee? Is customer support easily available if you have a problem? What are customers saying on YouTube and Google?
Extra Bidet Features
There is really one objective here: wash away poop. That being said, we get how important bathroom time is. For most of us, it’s our only escape from real life where we can truly be alone. This is where those extra bidet features shine, including:
- Heated everything to take the chill out of winter poops. This includes the bidet seat and water temperature.
- Massaging, oscillating front and bum wash from nozzles that move automatically.
- A bum dryer to avoid drip-drying post-spray.
- A night light to guide sleepy zombie-walks to the bathroom without having to switch on overhead lights.
- An integrated deodorizer to enhance your bathroom scent memories.
- A remote control for maximum user control without needing to twist or stretch.
- Accessories such as an ottoman to prop up your feet for max pooping success and soft bum towels for drying after you spray.
While you’re unlikely to find a die-hard warranty on a cheapie (<$50) bidet, higher-quality models are often backed with one to five year guarantees on various components.
Most reputable bidet brands back up their potty talk with a 12-month guarantee on equipment and parts with the option to invest in an extended warranty. You will need to provide proof of purchase and register your bidet. Be sure to read the details carefully to determine if the warranty is full or partial, or if it degrades over time.
MOST IMPORTANT THING: Buy your bidet from an authorized seller to ensure you have customer support and a valid warranty after the sale. If you purchase your bidet from a third-party reseller, it may not include all the right components and you’ll be left with crappy coverage!
Choosing The Right Bidet For You
Everybody poops, but no two poopers have the same needs. People who spend a lot of time collecting themselves in the bathroom (where our IBS girlies at?!) may want a bidet with more soothing features. While someone who just wants a Spartan crack may find a bidet hose luxury enough. Knowing your body and your rituals is priority uno, followed by the realities of your bathroom and budget.
Frequently Asked Questions
What features should I look for when choosing a bidet?
Totally pooper’s choice, but higher-end features include warm water, a heated seat, and a bum dryer. These are typically associated with electric bidets.
Standard features on simpler bidet attachments include a self-cleaning spray nozzle (that ideally tucks away when not in use) and pressure/nozzle adjustment.
While some bidets double as a DJ, it’s important to pay attention to features that’ll impact your day-to-day life, like choosing a bidet that’s easy to install and wipe clean.
Is there a downside to using a bidet?
The only real downside is how bidet-dependent you’ll become. Washing your butt with fresh, soothing water every day, multiple times a day, means you will hate pooping anywhere that isn’t your home. (Trust us, you’re going to want a TUSHY Travel.)
Also: if you hose your ass at full blast for 20 minutes straight, you could mess with your natural butt (and vagina) bacteria and increase risk of infection. So avoid extended pressure washing and you’re golden.
Can I install a bidet myself?
Yes––if you’re installing a bidet attachment or bidet seat. These bidets attach to your existing toilet in minutes and don’t require any extra plumbing. If you’re opting for a traditional standalone bidet, you’ll probably need to call your local plumber’s crack in for an assist.