ANALyze This: I Got My V-hole (and B-hole) Steamed
06 Mar, 2019
I’ve really put my bottom half through the wringer for the TUSHY community. I’ve tried out anal bleaching soaps, I’ve gotten a colonic and I’ve attempted some special things in the bedroom, all so you can be well informed about everything butt related. So what have I done this time? Well, I got a V-steam aka a Vaginal Steam. My butthole was just a casualty.
What is a V-Steam?
Vaginal steaming is described as an ancient Korean treatment to cure reproductive organ ailments, cleanse the vagina and uterus, regulate menstruation, and ease period cramps and bloating. There is no actual proof that it does these things. Vaginal steaming directs herb-infused steam into your vagina. Herbs often used alone or in combination include mugwort, wormwood, chamomile, calendula, basil, and oregano. I’m sure 90% of those ingredients can be found in Professor Sprouts Herbology Class at Hogwarts. Most spas that offer this service have a special seat with a hole for the steam to come through. You can try this at home however it is a little more challenging to do without this… Hole-y Throne thing?
I’m sure your first question is where does one receive such steam? I went to a small spa in the K-Town part of Manhattan by the name of Witchpin. I was drawn to it because I really like the name. Sometimes, it is that simple. I was relieved to see that they also had great reviews to back up their badass name. I tried to book for a Wednesday but they told me they didn’t have any availability until Saturday. Another good sign! Other people are going! So after teaching an improv class on Saturday, I took myself to get my vagina steamed up.
The facility was very cute and relaxing. They also do acupuncture and a few other alternative medicine practices. I was told to get naked and put on this purple wrap thing. Honestly, it was an Oscars 1999 strapless look. It was made out of a tarp-like material. It was not breathable at all and a little heavy, which I later learned is very necessary for the process. Once I changed, I was brought into a large room with multiple v-steam chairs. Apparently, this is a communal activity? I was the only person who had my appointment time, so I was alone. I don't think I would've minded a friend.
I was instructed to open the back of my Christian Siriano ballgown and pop a squat on the seat, positioning my vagina and butt over the hole. FUN! She then poured a pitcher of hot water into what I can only imagine were a bunch of hot coals in a compartment underneath me. She tucked my tarp dress so that no steam could escape. And so the cooking began. The woman was very sweet and informative as she explained the history she had with vaginal steaming. She explained that when she was young and living in Korea, her father made a makeshift vaginal steam device for her mother to "tighten things" (This is the phrasing she used). She also explained that it helped her with vaginal odor. Duly noted, I thanked her for the valuable info and sat quietly, documenting everything on my Instastories. About 30 minutes into the sauna for my bottom half, she came back with snacks. I love snacks.
She told me to guzzle this tea which I wrongfully thought was lemon based. Maybe the decorative tray threw me off. I believe she said it was turmeric and some other herb. It tasted like the Atlantic Ocean. The New Jersey version. But I drank it all because she told me it would help with the steam. By this time, I felt like someone who was in the shower with all of their clothes. I guess the science behind it is that you suffocate the toxins out of you.
I was so wet and not in a sexy way. I couldn't tell what was steam and what was sweat. Finally, at about 45 minutes, she told me I was done and to go dry off. How romantic.
My vagina looks like this now.
Just kidding but this was an actual decoration in the spa so I couldn't resist. To be honest, I don't feel any different. My vagina is still the same pretty little horndog it was. I assume after one steam, I wouldn't notice any changes. There are potential side effects and concerns to getting v-steams. The primary safety concern is that the steam could burn the sensitive vaginal tissues if it is too hot. Adding extra moist heat to the vagina and exposing the vagina to certain additives within the steam could also increase a woman's risk for yeast or bacterial infections. If the vaginal steaming equipment is not kept clean, a person could also be at risk for infections and other side effects. Therefore, if a person goes to a spa for a vaginal steaming, they should ask the spa staff how they clean their equipment and what steps they take to reduce infection risk. I did not do this. Vaginal steaming can be dangerous if a woman is pregnant. This is because the vaginal steam could affect the growing fetus.
Would I recommend a V-Steam? No. Would I do it again? Also, no, but if you're curious, try it out. Just make sure you do your research. I will personally stick to my TUSHY bidet to keep my vagina healthy and fresh.