Sweaty Butt? Here's What to Do
01 Oct, 2020
Imagine J. Lo, post work-out, with a perfectly sweaty gym booty. Britney Spears’ iconic Slave 4 U video made sauna booties absolutely iconic. We’re here for Lizzo’s beach booty with a mix of sand, salt, and sweat blessing our Insta feed.
Sometimes a sweaty booty is undeniably sexy. That’s not the type of sweaty butt we’re talking about. No, today we’re working with “oh my God, sweat is dripping down my legs at this lobster bake” booty. We’re talking “I should have brought a change of underwear” booty. We’re facing “I’m so sorry about your car seat” booty. This. This is swamp butt.
What is Swamp Butt?
Swamp butt is when your pants feel like they’re in a Florida marsh. It’s the shadow side of WAP — Wet Ass Posterior — and it’s pretty hard to pull off. The good news is everyone sweats, ass and all. It’s a totally normal body function, commonly resulting in a damp-ass booty. But a sweaty ass can still be inconvenient or even embarrassing. Noone wants to be famous for the bum print.
Today, we’ll take you through the main causes of a swampy ass, how to stop butt sweat, and when it’s time to take your sweaty rump to a doctor. Anyone asking “why does my butt sweat?” is in the right place. Speaking of which…
Why Does My Butt Sweat?
First things first - it’s not just your butt that’s sweating. Sweat is the body’s way of cooling itself. Sweat glands expel sweat, which evaporates into the air. The evaporation has the effect of cooling down your skin and the body. Bottom line, we all sweat. The ass is primed for perspiration. Normalize sweaty butts!
But ok, not everyone is sweating the same amount back there. So let’s take a look at the main factors determining your personal level of butt sweat.
If rubbing two sticks together can make fire, imagine what two flesh globes are doing in your pants. They’re building heat! It’s basically two hot hams back there, rubbing up on each other. This creates natural friction, which leads to heat, which leads to butt sweat.
We love to move it, move it! During exercise, our heart rate and blood pressure increase. This causes our body to heat up. This triggers the sweat response, to help our bodies cool down. Don’t worry if you’re quick to get slick. Fitter folks tend to sweat more and faster than people who are less fit. It’s a positive sign that your body is doing its work.
Imagine taking a hot shower. Your bathroom gets steamy, the mirror is foggy. You open the door and steam spills out. Soon, the bathroom is cool and steam-free. But what if you never opened that door? Tight clothing is akin to hopping in the shower and keeping that bathroom door closed - it’s like hotboxing your crotch. Spandex with care.
It’s safe to ass-ume that igloos are not swamp ass central. Heat and humidity warm up the body, which is the first and only step you need to start sweating. Of course, sweat is half of the swamp dump equation. Rising temps are a rising tide for your wet pooper potential.
Anxiety sweats are a thing. Your sweat glands can be activated by nerves, which respond to emotions and stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This can cause cold sweats, where anxiety triggers your fight or flight response. Cold sweats mean your body is preparing to run. And when you feel stress, you may experience an increase in heart rate or blood pressure, causing your body temperature to rise. Cue butt sweat! Long story short, if you’re dealing with stress pit stains, you’re probably dealing with a soggy bottom.
News flash! You may be having a hot flash! It’s not just stress hormones that can cause butt sweat. High levels of Estrogen and progesterone contribute to night sweats and hot flashes. These symptoms are commonly associated with PMS and menopause. Thanks, ovaries!
Your overall capacity to sweat is determined by your DNA. Some of us are predisposed to sweat more. Elite athletes, for example, may sweat more to help their bodies perform optimally. Silver lining for the excessive sweaters!
This is the medical term for excessive sweating. 2.8 percent of the population experiences clinical levels of sweating. This can be a signal for other health issues – more on that below.
How to Stop Butt Sweat
Say you’re not jogging in Spandex under a summer sun and your bum is still Sweat Central. How do we drain the swamp? Here are a few common tricks to transform your sweat spot to a sweet spot.
Make sure you’re donning undies made of breathable materials, like cotton or bamboo. Air helps sweat evaporate, so you want to keep things a little windy back there. Pro tip, the undies can’t do their best work if you layer them with thick fabrics. So avoid the leather pants. Unless they’re ass-less, in which case - pics or it didn’t happen!
Make your deodorant say yes to crack. Your butt crack. The same stick that services your pits can do double duty for your booty. Tread lightly - this method is not for every derriere. Standard underarm deodorants contain added fragrances. Those additives can irritate the sensitive skin on your bum, causing more discomfort. You’ve been warned!
Talcum Powder, a.k.a. the Tom Brady Method
Who knows more about sweaty asses than quarterback Tom Brady? This is a man who spends a lot of time interacting with another athlete’s undercarriage. Rumor is that Brady refuses to accept an overly swampy bum. Here’s Brady's trick, according to Buccaneers center Ryan Jensen: “First you fold [a] towel once, then over itself again. Put it down your crack and douse in baby powder. No more ass sweat.”
For anyone who doesn’t feel like wearing a towel hanging out of their pants, consider just the talcum powder on the ass part of this method. There’s a reason body powder is the standard for every diapered butt. It absorbs moisture throughout the day, keeping things drier in and around your badonk.
Is It Normal to Have a Sweaty Bum?
Yes! Ass-olutely. Sweat is the body’s natural method of regulating its own temperature. It’s your body’s A/C. We’re simply designed to sweat.
An average adult is rocking around three million sweat glands, generating about 1.5 gallons of sweat a day. For active adults or folks living in high-temp areas, that amount of daily perspiration maxes out around 4 gallons. Imagine 4 milk jugs of sweat! Howard Hughs would love.
There’s some evidence that the skin of the booty has a higher concentration of eccrine glands, a specific type of sweat gland. Eccrine glands release odorless sweat straight to the skin’s surface. They are mostly found in high-sweat areas like the palms of our hands, our feet, foreheads, and armpits.
Even if there’s nothing particularly special about the butt that makes it sweat more, consider that air is what helps sweat evaporate. For most of us, the ass is generally enclosed in your pants and crammed up against a seat, which doesn’t let much air through. Heat plus friction minus air equals sweat. Sweat = normal.
Honestly, there’s no shame in a little swamp. If your swamp is more of a lake, you may be experiencing excessive sweating. This could be a symptom of other health problems, so it’s worth keeping an eye out.
Does Shaving Bum Hair Reduce Sweat?
Depends! If you’ve got a thick mane on your rear kisser, it may be adding heat and friction to the mix. Heat and friction do create more sweat. More likely, the hair back there is collecting smells. Shaving that Sasquatch booty could help keep everything cleaner and fresher, if not way less sweaty.
When to See a Doctor
Are you unsatisfied with DIY methods of managing your sweat load? Thanks for nothing, Tom Brady! Consider talking with a medical professional. You may be among the 2.8 percent of the population with hyperhidrosis, or excessive sweating.
Excessive sweating can signal many larger health issues, like diabetes, thyroid problems, menopause, an infection, a nervous system disorder or even certain types of cancer. Don’t panic yet. If you have any of these conditions, it’s very likely that sweating isn’t your only symptom. Keep an eye out for other symptoms that accompany excessive sweating, like unexplained weight loss, chest pain, night sweats, fever, shortness of breath or fast heart rate. If you’re checking these items off as you read, it’s a good idea to get to a medical professional.
Many of these symptoms can be caused by an anal abscess. Anal abscesses occur when one of the small glands in your anus gets clogged and becomes infected. Normally, you’d experience pain and discomfort on your booty, in addition to other symptoms like fever, fatigue and night sweats. If your heiney is tender and looks infected, duh, go to a doctor.
Even if your sweat isn’t caused by a serious medical problem, a doctor has some treatment options that you can’t get from Amazon. Tools like Botox injections, Miradry, and lasers offer long-term relief from sweat that you can’t get from deodorant and cotton. A specialist can walk you through all your options, no sweat.
Butt sweat is nothing to sweat over. It’s so human that it can even attract the opposite sex. Learning more about this normal bodily function can help us feel less embarrassed about our own booty swamp. If you’re doing a HIIT workout or it’s August, give your swamp butt a break.It’s still helpful to know how to stop butt sweat.You can dry out your boom boom room with simple steps, like wearing breathable undies and using deodorant. And shaving doesn’t hurt. If you’re still sweating excessively or experiencing other symptoms, it’s not a bad idea to visit a doctor. And it’s never a bad idea to use a TUSHY bidet attachment. An at-home ass-fountain is the perfect way to keep your back end fresh, and help prevent dreaded swamp ass caused by butt sweat.