How To Clean Your Butt The Right Way

Adulting is hard and life comes about you super fast. Like one minute, you’re asking you’re mom for more allowance and the next you’re asking your mom to pay your rent… (Just this month, though.) As many uncertainties as there are in the future, there are a few standard things that remain unquestionably true. 1. Drinking water is necessary to survive. 2. Top Ramen can be eaten raw. 3. Always wipe your butt with toilet paper after you poop. 

Well, I hate to burst your bubble but at least one (if not two) of those things is incorrect. You’ve been cleaning your butt ALL Wrong. Before your brain explodes don’t worry, we’re here to show you how to clean your butt the right way and maintain a healthy and happy b-hole. 

Anal Hygiene Basics 

As a species, we’ve come up with many creative ways to take care of our buttholes… some of which are absolutely terrifying. Somehow we’ve settled on using toilet tissue as our main method of butt hygiene. And believe it or not, some of us even have trouble keeping our chocolate starfish healthy doing that.

Whether it’s due to misguided parental teachings during potty training or instinct, the consequences can be, well…. Irritating. Turns out that pour anal hygiene can lead to something called perianal dermatitis. This is a kind of topical irritation that afflicts people who are wiping poorly, infrequently or a wee to rough. Fortunately, this is something that is very easy to avoid. 

For starters, stop using wet wipes! The use of wet wipes has been linked to allergic reactions caused by methylisothiazolinone, a preservative used to inhibit bacterial growth while products are on store shelves.

Even the all-natural ones can be an issue. Using any sort of chemical-based product on the sensitive skin around your anus can cause irritation and lead to more severe problems down the line like anal fissures. 

How to Properly Wipe Your Butt 

The truth is, there truly is no proper way to “wipe” your butt but if you must, make sure you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t harm the rest of your body. Wipe from front to back, moving fecal matter away from your front parts. This has been advised for women to keep poop away from the vaginal canal and prevent urinary tract infections, which suck, to say the least. 

There are also studies that say it is better to wipe while sitting. Apparently ergonomically, sitting while wiping keeps your perianal area open and more easily accessible for a proper clean. 

Poop Still There After Wiping? 

Of course it is! We all know that the healthiest way to clean any part of your body is with water. Would you take a dry piece of paper and rub it around your body and call yourself clean? I would hope not. 

The Greco-Romans (332 BCE–395 CE) knew this as they used a damp sponge affixed to a stick as a means to clean their bottoms. They almost had it right until they decided to reuse the same poop soaked sponges over and over again. Barf. So… what IS the best way to clean your butt after you poop? 

Clean Your Butt with a Bidet 

The bidet is hands-down the cleanest, healthiest and most hygienic way to clean that crap cannon of yours. A gentle stream of water thoroughly rinses any fecal matter without irritation. It’s actually quite soothing… especially after a spicy numero dos.

While bidets have been very popular in Europe and Asia, it has taken some time to gain traction in Western cultures do to the cost and plumbing barriers. That’s where the TUSHY bidet attachment comes in. It is quick and easy to install and very affordable. Unlike most bidets that cost thousands of dollars, TUSHY comes in at $79. It easily attaches to any standard toilet in under 10 minutes. 

If you want to start cleaning your butt the right way, stop wiping and start washing with TUSHY.