Through the centuries, Halloween costumes have become increasingly more elaborate. From basic sheets with holes cut out for eyes to elaborate niche puns that only a few people will get, like this gem. One thing to consider, as I’ve been reminded of this year, is that no matter what your costume is, make sure you’re able get it off easily. No, not for hanky panky purposes. At some point in the night, you’ll have to use the bathroom and you’ll be glad when you’re not spending 45 minutes deconstructing your Glinda The Good Witch Bubble costume. Here are a few costumes to avoid if you want an accident free Halloween.
1.Sexy “Insert Any Noun Here”
Yes, Halloween is the perfect excuse to wear the skimpiest barely there outfit without being mistaken for a prostitute, though, I believe “sexy prostitute” is a costume I’ve seen online. However, remember that a lot of these sexy costumes are one pieces. Anyone who’s worn a romper...or a RompHim, knows how frustrating it is to take off a one piece when having to using the potty. If you’re going to go sexy, go with separates.
2. Giant Panda Suit
This is a quintessential “life of the party” costume. Whoever is showing up in head to toe Panda is certainly down to do a few keg stands. But getting out of this suit… not happening. I hope you splurge on one with an accompanying pee bag inside.
3. Literally Any Couples Costume
Couples costumes are cute. They show real collaborative ingenuity while also showing everyone that you love each other so so much. Let’s see how much you love each other when you both have to use the bathroom at the same time and you can’t figure out which person’s leg goes where. Bright side: If you crap on each other, it makes for a great story to tell your kids… that you have with someone else.
4. Giant Horned Headdress Witch Goddess
Fierce and powerful, headdresses are super cool (unless they are culturally appropriating). But when searching for the perfect statement headdress, consider whether or not it will fit into a bathroom stall with you. Don’t let your horn get in the way of your destiny.
5. A Penis
Whatever you are this Halloween, make sure it’s not preventing you from letting nature take it’s course. When you gotta go, you gotta go. When you do, don’t forget to use TUSHY. It will wash away all those crappy tricks and leave you only with the treat of a clean butthole.
Stop Wiping, Start Washing.