#ANALyzeThis: I Tried Azealia Banks' Butt Soap
As a vocal advocate for a healthy, clean, and beautiful asshole, when a product comes to the market that claims to “lighten and tighten,” I simply must. So when I heard that no one’s favorite female rapper, Azealia Banks, came out with two different nether-centric soaps… I said, “This is nuts. Yes. Please and thank you! I will regret this.” Banks released two soaps, aptly named Pussy Pop (for the vaginal region) and Bussy Boy (for the bootyhole). Let me guess. You don’t know what “Bussy” means. I got you. According to ye faithful Urban Dictionary, Bussy, shockingly, has multiple meanings. The most popular and the one that applies in this context defines it as a “Boy-Pussy”... which is a butthole. Now, I am female-identifying, so the choice between the two was very confusing for me. I want to “lighten and tighten” my butt, but I have a vagina. The website offers little to no direction or description of the difference between the two aside from the fact that one is pink and one is blue… so for the purposes of my research, I went with Bussy Boy.
It took a while for the soap to arrive, so I took that waiting period to do some research and find some reviews and found a very fun story. Did I say fun? I meant terrifying.
Apparently, a man tried the soap, and it wrecked his butt in the worse way. He even shared pictures to twitter. I’ll spare you. Obviously, this raised some red flags, but I said I would try it. And I already spent the $17. I would give it 5 days.
So when the soap arrived, it looked really promising. It came in a winter floral packaging that made it look high-end but still fun. Then I opened it. It was just… soap wrapped in plastic.
No box. No logo. No branding at all. Just a blue bar of glycerin claiming to make my butthole lighter and tighter. In other words, it looked sketchy af. But again, we started this journey, and here we are. There's no turning back.
Now, I have to acknowledge that skin bleaching is problematic. There is a complicated and upsetting history surrounding skin bleaching products, who they are marketed to and why. That is not what this product is for. Most anal lightening products make the skin tone around your butthole even and consistent with the surrounding area. This one also tightens… haven’t quite figured this out but that’s what it claims to do.
Bussy Boy and Pussy Pop is made of witch hazel, coconut oil, lactic acid, vitamin C, tea tree oil so despite it’s appearance, it's pretty natural, assuming they’re telling us the truth. I will say it also smells better than it looks. It looks like an oversized Now or Later, but the scent is fine. Nothing to call home about but also nothing to be afraid of. Though it didn’t burn my whole b-hole off, it did tingle a bit. I’m not sure if that’s normal. It did make me a little nervous though, having read that previous review. As far as the aesthetic state of my butthole, here is a before and after color swatch:
Granted I only used it for 5 days, there wasn’t much of a change in the coloration of my butthole. Now you guys have an idea of what it looks like. Congratulations.
Would I recommend this product? No. All it is is a bar of soap with a fun name and some witch hazel. I would also, never try this on my vag. She doesn’t need that kind of stress in her life. Sorry, Azealia. I’ll stick with my TUSHY to keep my butthole feeling clean, bright-eyed and bussy-tailed.