There are a thousand reasons to do anal. But you only need one: you want to! That’s really all it takes. Well, ok, it takes wanting to, a little planning and an enthusiastic partner. We’re here to help with the planning part. It’s easy prep, and incredibly worthwhile. Here’s how to prepare for anal like a pro and open your back door for business.
1. Communicate with Your Partner
As with all things sex and intimacy, communication is key. First, connect with your partner about your interest in anal play. Like, verbally. No need for fancy gestures like skywriting, and don’t count on non-verbal cues to get your enthusiasm across. The best way to prepare for anal is to talk about it.
While sharing your excitement, you can also express any concerns. Before anal is the time to set expectations around speed and depth and intensity. Beforehand is also a good time to discuss how you’ll communicate during sex. And of course, you need all parties to consent before knocking boots.
2. Experiment with Yourself First
Reminder: your anus’s factory setting is contracted AF. Think about it - your butthole is the body’s back door and its primary function is to keep poop locked up tight until toilet time. It’s so good at this task that it needs a lot of coaxing to get out of work mode.
Getting your anal vortex to loosen takes preparation. And lube. And patience. And a plan. This may be surprising, but it can take 4 to 6 weeks to chill out your bumhole enough to prepare for anal.
Our best recommendation is investing in an anal training kit. These handy butthole broadeners come with plugs of three sizes. Training is really like going to the ass gym. Step one in all things anal is lube. So take a lubed up plug (the kit’s smallest to start) and slide it up the butt until it meets resistance, normally about 2 inches.
Then you wait 3 to 5 seconds and repeat. Remove the plug, re-apply lube and repeat 8 to 10 times, for a total of 2 to 3 minutes per session. Do this 3 times per week, and graduate to the larger plug size about every 2 weeks.
As you get more comfortable with anal play, you can experiment with fingers (your own or your partners’) while you’re preparing the booty for a great anal adventure. Bottom line, take your time. Rome didn’t do anal for just one day! That’s the saying, right?
3. Master Your Peach Hygiene
You’re probably going to feel more comfortable about anal if your assh*le is hyper-fresh. 10/10 fresh is ideal for most assplay newbies. Absolutely no judgement to folks who like to partake with a medium fresh a-hole. But if you want your butt to be squeaky, you have some options.
To clean the inside of your butt, you’re going to want a douche. You may be asking, wait - I have to clean the inside of my butt? For the uninitiated, this is a time to remember that unlike the mouth or the vag, the butt might have sh*t in it. This is not a big deal, but maybe compare poop sex to period sex -- it’s not for everyone on day 1.
Also, the sort of poop that comes up in anal is relegated to the rectum and anal canal, just behind your backdoor. The rectum can be cleaned really easily at home with a douche. When performed properly, douching can quickly and comfortably leave your penetrable zone poop free.
An enema is actually a deeper clean of your system, and penetrates up into your colon. Unless you’re f*cking a sentient garden hose, there’s no reason to remove the poop in your colon before anal. Also, a DIY enema is a lot more challenging to perform at home than a DIY douche. We’ll never discourage someone from trying out an enema, but it’s wholly unnecessary before hole-y penetration.
Bidets or Wipes
Meanwhile, you’ll also want to make sure the exterior of your assh*le is ready for play. This is where a bidet or anal wipes come in, although wipes can mess with your b-hole’s natural oils while contributing to sewer damage ala fatbergs.
Shaving or waxing is on the table, too. Making sure that your backdoor is fresh and friendly is likely to make you feel more comfortable with the exciting new experience of anal.
4. Consider Making a Prep Station
Unlike oral sex, anal has gear! We love a hobby that requires equipment. Here’s the gear you need for your first anal adventure:
Anal Lubrication Nation
We’re not big sticklers for rules, but there’s one unbreakable anal guideline: Use lube. Use lots of lube. You aren’t going to use too much lube. Unlike the mouth and the vag, the asshole is not self-lubricating. If you don’t use lube to create a juicy hole for anal play, you may increase your risk for small anal tears and fissures. For anal to stay in the safe and fun pleasurable zone, lube is like bringing a map on a roadtrip: an absolute must.
Your best lube for plain old anal is a silicone-based lube. This is because the anus is porous, and quickly absorbs any liquid in it. Water-based lubes absorb the fastest, so they require the most frequent reapplication.
Take the time to find a lube that is compatible with your toys, your condoms and your intentions to go ass up all night. Then, apply early and often. You may even want to have a “resting station” on a handkerchief or towel nearby, where you can keep your lube and other toys you want close at hand during the dirty.
Since the anus isn’t self-lubricating, anal sex has a higher likelihood of abrasions than other types of sex. This means that butt play puts you at a higher risk for STIs. Always use a condom for anal play, unless you and your partner are both monogamous and have already been tested. Honestly, another great reason to use (condom-safe) lube!
5. Foreplay is Always Fun (And Beneficial)
Foreplay is kinda like butter. It just makes everything better. This is especially true when trying a new sex act, anal very much included. You want to be relaxed and connected with your partner, and there’s no need to dive straight into *anal penetration.* Even the phrase is a little jarring! That’s why it’s a good idea to allow your partner to coax you into a relaxed, horny state. Hands, mouths, and toys welcome.
You can start with all your go-to fire starters, stimulating other body parts. In addition to getting connected and in rhythm with your partner, this will help your whole body get on board. A holistic approach often leads to better orgasms. Here are a few tips for when you are ready to warm up the rear for anal:
Toys for Anal Sex
Anal-specific toys like plugs and beads are designed to stimulate the nerve endings around the anus, giving your body a preview of pleasure to come. Feel free to use butt plugs during foreplay to help the anal muscles prepare for more intense play.
Note: use toys specifically designed for anal, and do *NOT* put anything up your butt that doesn’t have a base. The anus is a greedy little hole, and it will swallow objects that aren’t tethered to the outside world. Also, be sure to clean your toys with anti-bacterial toy cleaner after.
Sensual Butt Massages
We love a well timed butt grab. This is especially true in advance of anal. The giver can massage the receiver’s butt, increasing blood flow and stimulating the area before any insertion. Ya know, foreplay!
Rimming and Analignus
Again, this is the giver’s opportunity to warm up the back door with the tongue. Analingus can start with moving the tongue in circles around the rim of the anus, and escalate to penetrating with the tongue if both partners are comfortable. Aren’t you glad you know about douching?
You're Ready for the Bun: Final Tips
Your ass is trained and cleaner than a whistle. Your asshole is warmed up and lubed up. The foreplay has you begging. It. is. time. Here are our final tips for the act itself - from keeping your hands and toys hole-monogamous (hygiene, baby!) to ignoring the voice in your head that is concerned you’re pooping (you’re probably not).
Pick a Hole and Stick to It
Even a clean assh*le can have bacteria around it. It’s the end of your gastrointestinal system, and again, it’s from where the poop flows. For this reason, we are now sharing the final major rule of anal: do not put anything straight from the butt into your front butt (vag). Not fingers, not tongues, not penises, not toys, not anything else you’ve decided to play “Up The Butt” with.
Transferring butt bacteria to your front hole increases your risk of several types of infection, including yeast infections and UTIs. It’s not worth it. If you want to move to vaginal sex after anal, take a moment to thoroughly wash whatever was in the anus with mild soap and water before moving it to the vag. An easy place to do this is the shower :P
Relax and breathe your way through it. Start with the tip (of fingers, toys, or a penis) and give your butthole a chance to react to the stimulation. Shallow, circular motions may be more palatable at first rather than going full kielbasa.
Remember, this is new territory for you and your bum. So be gentle and patient. Any experimentation is a success!
Best Positions For Butt Sex Beginners
Bottom on Top
Traditionally, we refer to the person receiving as the “bottom.” But that doesn’t mean the bottom can’t ride topside! In fact, the bottom on top is one of the best positions for beginners. It puts the receiver in control of the depth and speed of penetration, which helps both partners stay on the same page.
The spooning position has similar benefits. When curled into your lover, the little spoon can move their bum and hips and adjust speed and intensity completely to their comfort level. Remember to reapply lube as needed and that hitting the b-hole target can take practice. Don’t get discouraged!
The most common anal sex position for a reason - doggy provides the greatest vantage point and therefore access to newbs. If you choose to start with this position, make sure that the penetrating partner is mindful of speed, depth and force, and that they’re ready to communicate throughout.
No, You’re Not Pooping on Your Partner
Some anal newbies have a moment of terror: am I about to poop during sex? Probably not! Having something in your butt is strongly affiliated with the pooping process. So your brain jumps to this possible conclusion. The chances are better that you’re just experiencing an old feeling in a new way. Congrats! But also, maybe have a towel nearby, just in case ;)
Keep your booty in fighting shape with these simple post-anal tips:
1. Switch condoms. If you’re continuing on to vaginal intercourse, be sure to use a fresh condom to reduce your risk of STIs and rule out transference of butt bacteria to the vag.
2. Wash up. Spread your cheeks and spray on your bidet or hop in the shower to wash away excess lube or semen if you’re having sex monogamously.
3. Embrace fart-ageddon. You’ve just introduced a lot of air into your anal cavity, and your sphincter muscles are going to be temporarily looser than normal. That air has to go somewhere, so fart it up.
4. Try some kegels. Did you *love* anal? If it’s going to be a regular on the sex menu, try kegel exercises to tighten your pelvic floor muscles, including the muscles around the anal sphincter.
5. Keep an eye on your #2s. If things got a little rough, your poo will show it. If you spot any blood in your BMs, make a mental note to go easier and use more lube next time. If the bleeding persists, make an appointment with your doctor to check for tears.
Ok, anal sex is low-key high maintenance. But a third type of orgasm is worth a little elbow grease. Speaking of elbow grease: use lube!
No single step in the anal prep process is difficult. It just takes a little planning and communication. Communicate with your partner before, during and after. Take the time to train your butt to be relaxed with a new sensation. Consider grooming and super cleaning your back door. Don’t forget foreplay. Use lube. Lube. Lube x 100.
Condoms if you’re non-monogamous. Clean anything that’s been in the butt before putting it anywhere else. And consider choosing positions that allow for verbal and non-verbal communication while you’re getting started. Anal can be so fun, and super duper worth it. If you want help keeping your assh*le fresh, consider a TUSHY bidet attachment.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is It Safe To Have Anal Sex Without A Condom?
Not if you are having casual sex with multiple people. Given that the anus is non self-lubricating, there is a higher chance of micro-tears and bleeding when engaging in anal sex. If you are in a monogamous relationship and have both tested negative for STIs, condoms are optional. Otherwise, condom up.
What Foods Should You Avoid Before Anal?
Anything that could make you gassy or leave your bowels irritable, such as processed foods, artificial sweeteners, fermented dairy products, spicy foods, and oily/greasy foods.
Should You Shave Your Butt Before Anal?
Shaving your b-hole is totally optional, but it can make you feel cleaner and more confident for rimming and general ass play. Hair holds onto bacteria and sweat - just be sure to shave carefully to avoid cutting yourself where the sun don’t shine.