Listen, we’re all feeling a little ho-hum. We’re cooped up and deep into our quar routines: not a lot of movement, with 10x the usual carbs and a side of booze. Doctors suggest that a year of quar life is *not* a long-term personal health crisis. HOWEVER, we feel crappy. Like… actually constipated. Drowsy. Are we sick, or is this life now? And whatever could we do to feel better fast?
Enter: Colon hydrotherapy. The crap-tastic (in a good way) practice can get your GI unblocked, and have you feeling better STAT. If you’re curious about colonic hydrotherapy, read on!
1. What is Colon Hydrotherapy?
Colon hydrotherapy is washing out your colon (a.k.a. large intestine) to remove waste. A little scrub a dub dub!
More specifically, a colonic is when a trained professional sticks a tube up your bum and swirls 60 liters of colonic liquid up there. The liquid used is water, and sometimes contains additives like vitamins and probiotics. Sometimes, the therapist administers a massage while the liquid is inside. Then, with a separate tube, they remove the water and any accompanying waste. Kinda like a very personal wet vac for your GI tract.
2. What Comes Out During Colonic Hydrotherapy?
Well what goes up (your butt) must come down. The liquid that the colonic practitioner puts in your a-hole is gonna come back out. And on top of that, you can expect any waste in your colon to find its way out the back door.
3. What Are the Benefits of Colonic Cleansing?
Well, the practice is based on the idea that unwanted waste can get stuck in your colon, along with toxins that keep your energy low. Medical practitioners will say that the colon is a self-cleaning machine, and it doesn’t need an assist. But colonics have been popular since ancient times, and many A-list celebs have been using them for decades. And there’s good reason! Anecdotally, people leave colonics feeling aglow, re-energized, unbloated, clear headed and up to 7 pounds lighter. Nice!
4. Is Colonics Harmful or Helpful?
Possibly both or neither! Definitely don’t skimp on your colonic, because the risks of someone sticking a rod up your butt are just as you’d expect: substantial! The greatest risk is bowel perforation (hole-y sh*t!). You may also get unwelcome bacteria up your yin yang, which can lead to infection. Electrolyte imbalance and dehydration are common side effects, alongside dizzying, fever nausea. But(t) if you’re willing to shill out some dollars for the aforementioned benefits, the juice may be worth the squeeze. Some influencers claim it leaves them feeling euphoric, which we could use about now.
5. Do Colonics Hurt?
Properly administered colonics generally don’t hurt. Be prepared for mild side effects, including moderate tummy aches and bloating. But generally, recipients find the overall experience to be relaxing.
6. How Much Will It Cost You?
Kinda like laser eye surgery, you don’t want to skimp on your butt irrigation. Pay full price for the pro experience. It’s going to run in the $100 range.
7. Is A Colonic Cleanse Good for Constipation?
It’s actually a common myth that colonics are good for a blocked up back end. The science on this is hazy. Some say enemas can worsen constipation. Yikes! Others say that colonics can cause temporary relief. If you’re simply constipated, exercise and a diet adjustment may be the ticket. If you’re experiencing a health condition that is causing constipation, a trip to the doctor may be your best bet.
8. How to Prepare for Colon Hydrotherapy
Definitely drink a lot of water, since the procedure can be dehydrating. Otherwise, your colonic practitioner may suggest guidelines to help you prepare for the treatment. Eating simply and healthily on the days leading up to the experience is a generally good idea.
9. What is the Procedure Like?
Basically, you’ll lay on your side and receive a buttload of water up a tube in your bum. The practitioner may give you a tummy rub. After a short period, a new tube will be inserted to extract the water-waste combo, or you’ll be led to a toilet to have your own anal GI release. Check out this video of TUSHY’s own Corin getting a colonic for an inside peek at the process!
10. Do You Actually Need One?
Colonics are in the category of want not need. If you want to give the inside of your large intestine a bath, then go right ahead! Just make sure you do your homework.
Quick Tips for Safe Colon Cleansing
If you’re thinking that colon hydrotherapy may be right for you, follow these quick tips to increase the odds of the best experience possible!
Talk to your doctor about it first
The consensus among doctors is that colonic hydrotherapy is not worth the risk, especially if your medical history includes heart or gastro-intestinal disease. But your doctor can give you a good idea whether the risks are a full blown dealbreaker for you.
Understand all the risks to colon therapy
There are risks, as we’ve mentioned before. Make sure that you use a reputable colonicist to mitigate the possible downsides of this treatment, and go in with your eyes and ass open.
Drink plenty of fluids the days leading up to your procedure
This is a dehydrating treatment, so you’ll want to arrive to the treatment juicy.
Choose your colonic hygienist wisely, since there are no licensing requirements for this treatment
Be realistic about the promised outcomes of the therapy
This is not a wonder treatment. You may feel lighter afterwards. In fairness, you’ll be letting go of loads of crap! Your skin and eyes may even be brighter. But this is a temporary treatment, a la massage. Don’t expect it to be a long-term fix for constipation or sluggishness.
Remain proactive about living a colon-healthy lifestyle with or without colonics
This is a no-brainer. Your body is a temple. Bad quarantine routines ass-ide, you only get one body. Make an effort to be kind to the skin you live in, whether that looks like moving your body and eating fiber or asking a stranger to stick a hose up your butt. Or getting a colonic!
Colonics are very much in Goop world: potentially harmful pseudoscience that we’d try in a heartbeat. If you’d like to give yourself something to look forward to and a pep in your step, get yourself to your nearest colonicist ASAP. And if you’re simply itching for a little squirt up your bum at home, get yourself a TUSHY bidet attachment.