The Invasion of the Swamp Ass

Corin Wells | 27 Jul, 2017

Today’s forecast calls for near record number of moist and sweaty cabooses

The Invasion of the Swamp Ass

27 Jul, 2017


1. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!

*sigh* There’s nothing like laying out in the sun after a nice a lil’ dip in the pool. Air drying, catching some rays, working on your tan and your brand new yeast infection. This is the life… wait… yeast infection? That’s right. Did you know sitting around in your wet bathing suit can cause an imbalance of bacteria in your vagina and vulva? So while you're laying out, showing off your hot bod, your hot bod is baking bread loaves. You can easily avoid this by changing out of your wet bathing suit immediately after swimming. Might I suggest sunbathing in the nude?

2. National Day of Freeballing

Today, July 27th, is National Take Off Your Pants for a Walk Day. Sometimes it’s better for your health if you don’t wear underwear, especially if you have a vagina. Going commando is beneficial for those who suffer from vaginal infections, irritation, rashes, or sensitivity. But yes, we know— it’s weird to go around without underwear. For those of you that are a little shy, you can try going underwear-less at night instead. Letting your lady parts be open to circulation at night is especially helpful because sometimes your hooha just needs some air. Fellas, we didn’t forget about you. Freeballing has health benefits too! Without being shoved into briefs, your scrotum gets to do its thing and hang in peace. Also, say goodbye to weiner chaffing! You won’t be missed. No more wedgies, no more wadded up undies, no more uncomfortable rubbing, no more sweat, no more panty lines, no more rearranging your family jewels… Instead you get some nice fresh air. Your private parts will thank you.

3. Not sure if butthole is leaking.. Or just Swamp Ass.

Hide ya kids! Hide ya wives! A monstrosity so vile and so disgusting has tormented our fair city once again. No, not that guy. I’m talking about SWAMP ASS. [Thunder bolts and lightening. Very, very frightening.] With the dog days of summer fast approaching, butts are sweating like crazy. Pools of smelly stains gracing the backsides of city dwellers and suburbanites like a Rorschach blot test. Is it a pretty butterfly, a tumultuous relationship with your mother? Who knows! All you can do is smell the B.O. ruminating from everybody you come in contact with. But(t) have no fear! TUSHY is here! Sure, there are many ways to combat swamp ass, but honestly, why not start with cleaning the source! Your butthole! Another day saved by your trusty TUSHY bidet.

Uplevel your hole bathroom experience.


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